On Monday, March 2nd, I will report to the hospital at 5:30 am to prepare to be the first in surgery that day. How do I feel you ask? Well I am ready, excited, and determine! Life is all about opportunities and this situation is an opportunity to confront my weight issues by hitting the restart button to conger the illness of obesity.
It was merely less than two months ago that I came across this opportunity to participate in this clinical trial. To be exact, I got my first call back from the study manager on January 6th to arrive at participating in the TOGA procedure on March 2nd is incredible.
Instead of experiencing pre-surgery jitters, I have been in a state of deep reflection. Since my early twenties I have been playing a dance with the scale. The highs and the lows of gaining and losing weight has damage my sense of self control. The difference is in my twenties and somewhat late thirties; I could gain weight and quickly loss it, if I put my mind to it. It was not until I hit forty that my body made a tremendous variation.It seemed no matter what I did I could not loss a pound.
I have felt disconnected from my body for years. It is almost like I have been in a continuous episode of the body snatchers. I see the TOGA procedure as a wonderful opportunity to aid me in reaching my lifetime goal to retain control of my body. It will not be easy, but what in life is!
I realize that weight loss surgery is really the start of my process. The real work is locating ones self control, and ones ability to find balance. To date, finding balance in my life has somewhat alluded me. Trying to chase my dreams has taken everything out of me.
But this fight is not over until the "skinny lady sings!" I am dedicated in using this opportunity to find a renew sense of self love, pride, and virtue in behave of my precious body. Everything I need to reach my goals is in me. My journey has been long. Crossing that road of no return to ultimately eliminating the excise pounds and re-locating the fit and trim me is my focus.
Longevity is my desire. I am envisioning the end of this story and the conclude looks like this….. I will conquer the battle of being overweight in my forties so I can enter my fifties maintained, confident, and reassured that it is always about taking one day at a time. The main focus is navigating myself nice and steady striving through this thing called life. Every day I will think about the many trials and for every time I have failed in the past is now the foundation to my success in actually succeeding at my goal of living a healthy life!
This blog is dedicated to every young girl and women who has been pained by the desire to reach for food to comfort them. Acknowledge that you are a precious jewel in God's eyes and than see yourself in the reflection of your heavenly father will help you plant your feet. Everything you will be and become is already in you.... the test is, will you strive hard to discover you greatness. I will continue to dig deeply to find my hidden treasure and I want to inspire you to do the same.
Happy trails...
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Wow! Nicely put Yolanda! I am curious...what other testing did you have in preparation for your procedure (or not procedure...it will drive ya a bit nutty). Did you go through the upper GI and mammoetry (sp?)?? Did you hve a mental evaluation? I am at the U of Minnesota and it all seems so quick and hurried. (Go take this test...go do that...go here and do this.)Did you experience that as well? Kinda fast paced..pushed through the process a bit. I didn't mind because I was just so desperate to be a part of it.
ReplyDeleteAs you read on my blog today, I had someone give me a critism. Yes..I haven't plyed by all the rules. Yes, I have had moments where I bent the rules. I stumbled and I admitted it. BUT I have made more effort to be accountable for my weight in the past 2 weeks than I ever had in my life. All of us are participating with this study because we have a problem and we need help. We need encouragement not critisms.
GOOD LUCK! I hope you get it!!!!!!
Kathy
Thanks for you comment and update. i am convinced that I am a member of the control group because I never felt any sense of fullness after 4 bites of anything. I am disappointed but will continue on my efforts to lose some weight while on the study. I will want to follow along with you and others. Your experiences will certainly help me and perhaps my experiences will help you be glad you received it and aren't a member of the control group :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words regarding my family. My family means everything to me and it is so difficult to be strong while they suffer.
Take Care!
Kathy
Hello.. curious as to what has been going on with your TOGA experience. I am participating in San Francisco and will have the procuedure on April 7. Hope you keep up the blog, would love to keep supporting everyone.
ReplyDeleteHi, Just wanted to know how you are doing? I'm having my TOGA surgery on April 10. I'm participating in Minnesota. We all need to support everyone who is having this done.
ReplyDeleteThanks
Angie